I had a routine blood test the other day. The results and subsequent reflections have left me somewhat shocked. The result showed that I am borderline developing type 2 diabetes.

The first shock was that this was possible given that my BMI (body mass index) is perfectly reasonable and I am far from overweight. Indeed I would say I eat a reasonably balanced and not too indulgent diet. So it seemed grossly unfair to me that I now have to be more careful in what I eat and how much I eat. … or else my GP will put me on some daily tablets. And that, like actually developing diabetes, I certainly do not want!

And then I got to thinking a little bit more about what I eat, when I eat it and whether there might in fact be rooms for improvement, without having to change my habits too much.

One significant reality did dawn on me. That I am known within my family as someone with hollow legs. If there is a bit of something to use up or an extra portion going, they will just give it to me. Until now this, to their irritation, has had little impact on my waistline or weight. Until now. I guess, in reaching my mid-60s, my body is now saying “enough is enough”. It cannot now cope with this extra food I’ve been throwing at it all these years. That is a real blow. Something that I used to take for granted I no longer can … and it is a very deeply seated habit … and not just for me.

One thing I can and already have changed is what had become my norm at lunch times: pies or pastries, often with some ham or tongue and perhaps some cheese as well! I had perhaps been getting a bit carried away in my weekly shop at our very good local butcher. So I’ve cut the quantities down and switched most of that meat and pastry for oily fish or egg.

I already eat plenty of fruit and veg but I can and probably need to switch the cake or biscuit that is11ses, perhaps to dates and seeds. But that is going to take a while, because we have quite a supply of biscuits. We buy what we like when it is on offer. Packets of biscuits, even more so crispy type things, will last for weeks or months. I don’t, I never have just gobbled down a whole packet of anything. Which makes these required changes all the more galling.

For most of my adult life my weight has been a healthy 10 stone 10 ounces, or whatever that is in modern money. And that included eating a big chunk of fruit cake for 11ses and a modest supper, typically of cheese and biscuits. A few years ago my cholesterol test was normal and, if I should feel a little flabby and find my weight had gone above 11 stone, I could just cut out a few in-between nibbles and down it would come again within a few weeks. Perhaps now I have to join the club and be careful, like everybody else has to. And that being the case, I don’t expect I’ll get much sympathy …

Another factor has been my irritable bowel syndrome, IBS. For some years I have been getting very, very bloated, often brought on by anxiety or some other stress. I found one way of handling it was just to eat a bit more to settle my stomach. Whilst on holiday in France some years ago a French pharmacist once recommended just that! And so that is what I have been doing: when my tummy has been churning, I’ve nibbled to keep it quiet. I guess that habit too has caught up with me and that it will have impacted on my blood sugar levels and weight and everything. So I have to work harder now, when the IBS kicks in, to go within, do the inner work of facing the anxiety and working through it. No more quick fixes or easy options.

So what has all of this got to do with my deeper, inner, spiritual journey? The only way through all of the above is to be more present and connected, to not give in to that conditioned call for an extra portion. To be more present when buying food and packing up. Perhaps it is still true that a little of what you fancy does you good. Just make sure it is only a little!

The other lesson from all of this is yet further endorsement of the reality that has been dawning for some time: as to how deep our conditioning goes and how difficult it is to change habits of a lifetime. Even when you know you need to change, the brain’s ability to self-protect and maintain the status quo can be hard to overcome.

Maybe this experience will help me be a little bit more sympathetic and understanding of others whom I might perceive as not facing their challenges and making change that seem so obviously necessary from the outside.

A corollary to that, however, could be that humanity is less likely to make the changes it needs to avoid self-inflicted extinction. Perhaps we are all too busy with our own stuff to be able to acknowledge let alone respond to the extent of climate change, for example?

Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, we also need to be wary of comfort food: it’s not necessarily in our best interests…

Phew! This has not been the sort of blog I like to write not uplifting enough. Not enough hope: but it needed to be written. So let me end with a blessing:

Whatever your challenges, may you find inner succour.

Whenever you mind or body complains, may your soul respond

. . . and your heart feel Love.